Being Busy, Breathing, and Lanyards

Well, I have officially finished my junior year of college with senior status in credits. This morning as I walked out of my last final, which was really just a class session where we talked about Billy Collins poetry, I realized that I was done for the summer and being the lame person I am (or so my sister said after I told her this) I was overcome by energy and excitement and wanted nothing more than to sprint around in circle while holding out my arms and looking up at the sky. Thankfully for both myself and those around me I restrained from doing so, but nonetheless excitement and relief filled my once extremely stressed brain.

This semester has been the craziest for me thus far; a night class, 19 credits, being part of two singing groups, plus all the other random things I am involved in, so when I finally had free time today my brain went hold up, what is this free time thing? and what do I do with it? I literally just sat in my chair for a few minutes, scrolled through Facebook and Pinterest, and had no idea what to do with myself. I then decided I was not okay with not being busy, I needed to be doing something, so I decided to walk from campus to Marshall's down the road. While walking I got to enjoy some sunshine and time outside, which was nice since the studying of the past 2 weeks had kept me indoors. As I was walking I began to think about how I really should be okay with not having anything to do, with being still. It's a nice thing to have free time, right? Plus I've been hearing since high school about how we need to take time to be still and refresh with God. Yeah that's cool, I understand that I've thought over and over, and today I realized that for me, it's more than just sitting, being still, and "refreshing" that I have a problem doing. It's the idea of not being busy, and instead being still and letting God actually work in me. It's scary. When I'm busy I feel like I can hide things or not worry about them, but when I slow down and stop moving 1,000 miles a minute that's when I have time to process, realize, and work on things in my life. And I hate it.

As a Christian Ministry major one may think that I would be all about working "churchy" things out in my life and making sure I've got it all together, you know... being good about setting aside daily time for me and God and such... but instead I seem to hide behind my busy schedule, keeping God an active part of my social, ministry, and outside life, but not entirely close in my personal life. Given, I do enjoy being busy, I like the rush of a hectic schedule, it isn't always an excuse, but there is a difference between being busy and hiding behind your busyness. I do also enjoy praying, but it's more a "I'll pray as I go" thing, than "I'm gonna sit and spend time with God" sort of thing. Maybe it's time for me to stop hiding. Now with no more papers to write until the fall, though my schedule will continue to be a bit crazy, I think it's time to focus on me, and me & God.

This summer I am working at a youth camp and the director has challenged those on staff to read through Proverbs, one chapter a day starting May 1st. So, I will be trying to do that. I'm really bad at keeping up with Bible reading. I always make excuses and always have a hard time making myself sit down and read, but I think doing this will be a good way of exercising more self-control when it comes to taking the time to sit, breathe, read, and relax with God. I mean, really, why wouldn't I want to spend time with Him, right? He is, after all, the one who created me in the first place, the least I could do is spend some time with Him. Kind of reminds me of a Billy Collins poem we talked about in class this morning called "The Lanyard." If you read or listen to it, picture me as the kid and God as the Mother. I think the image is fitting to what I'm currently doing. Hopefully this summer I can do better than just make a lanyard.

Over a Year

It's been over a year since I last wrote. It would be silly for me say a lot has happened - that would be an understatement. The last time I wrote was over a year ago and it is safe to say that things have change quite a bit and I have grown a lot as a person. Last summer (2011) I went to Kigali, Rwanda and Jinja, Uganda for two months; talk about a life changing experience. That trip deserves a blog post all its own, and I will do my best to write one for it, but putting that trip into words will be one of the most difficult things I will have written in a while. A month after I returned home I began my Junior year of college and now with three weeks left of it I can easily say it has been one of the biggest growing years for me as a student, girlfriend, daughter, follower of Christ, sister, and friend. The opportunities, conversations, and experiences I have had have changed me and are continuing to change me. Life is so much more exciting and beautiful than we give it credit to be and I am so looking forward to embracing the life I have been given. Because life is so short and yet so full I am going to do my best to keep a record of it. I don't want to forget a thing. So, I suppose this post is a very quick catch up and summary of my past year and a new commitment to writing. A friend of mine, out of the blue, recently told me to start writing again and it made me realize how much I enjoy it and have missed it, so thank you to my friend - your encouragement has inspired me. Here's a to a new beginning. I'll try to write again soon. 

Benjamin Franklin said, "Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." 

I intend to do both.