Summer time and Sonshine

I wrote this a few days ago but still wanted to post it :)

Well, the summer has been kick started for me and is off to a great, but extremely fast paced, start. Just two days after school ended I left on a week and half long chorus tour to New York, New York, then got home for less than 12 hours, did laundry, then left for a family vacation in North Carolina for a week (where I currently am). Straight from NC my family is dropping me off in New York (the state, not the city) again so I can spend Thursday through Sunday there to be in and celebrate the wedding of two of my close friends. Then finally on Sunday I will be home. For five days. I will have five days to recover, be busy, work, see people, and pack for a two-week trip out west. After all of that I will be home for a day and a half, then I’ll be off to a youth camp for my summer job. Oh my. Sound busy enough?

I love traveling. I have never traveled this much in a row before though, and especially since my boyfriend is back home I am beginning to be a tiny bit homesick, which never happens. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having a wonderful time with all my crazy traveling, but I must say I am ready for some peace and quiet, some rest, and some time with Clay.  In the midst of all this craziness I think my lack of rest and my homesickness has put me in a bit of an odd mood. Less energetic and more snappy, though I try to hide it.

Tonight I led a devotional for my whole-big Brackney family. Each of us older cousins have been put in charge of doing a devotional one of the days we’re at the cabin, and today was my day. I decided to talk about being children of light for Christ. I played the song “We Are” by Kari Jobe (one of my favorites) and talked about the different ways we can be lights to the people around us. I even asked a couple questions for the younger kids to get involved with. Pat on the back for the Ministry major, right?...but then as I sat down later in the evening I realized how much I need to listen to my own message. In the midst of all the busyness of my summer I have begun to forget the importance of being a light, even when I’m in the midst of my not so energetic moments. In addition, I’m not only supposed to be a light to strangers, but also to my family. I set an example for the younger siblings and cousins. As the oldest cousin and as a Christian it is important for me to shine God’s light, and I had forgotten that in the midst of my tiredness.

So here I am, just starting off my summer and already with a dim light. But, I am thankful because God used my situation and a devo I planned to teach me and remind me to be a light. Hopefully I will be able to remember throughout the rest of the summer, even when it gets hard.

If you get a chance, listen to “We Are” by Kari Jobe. I can almost guarantee it will get stuck in your head, but it’s a good thing. It may help remind you to be what God has called us to be – children of light (Ephesians. 4).

“Let's part the clouds and show the world the Son.” – Jimmy Needham

Matthew 5:13 – 16

Ephesians 4:20 – 5:1

Being Busy, Breathing, and Lanyards

Well, I have officially finished my junior year of college with senior status in credits. This morning as I walked out of my last final, which was really just a class session where we talked about Billy Collins poetry, I realized that I was done for the summer and being the lame person I am (or so my sister said after I told her this) I was overcome by energy and excitement and wanted nothing more than to sprint around in circle while holding out my arms and looking up at the sky. Thankfully for both myself and those around me I restrained from doing so, but nonetheless excitement and relief filled my once extremely stressed brain.

This semester has been the craziest for me thus far; a night class, 19 credits, being part of two singing groups, plus all the other random things I am involved in, so when I finally had free time today my brain went hold up, what is this free time thing? and what do I do with it? I literally just sat in my chair for a few minutes, scrolled through Facebook and Pinterest, and had no idea what to do with myself. I then decided I was not okay with not being busy, I needed to be doing something, so I decided to walk from campus to Marshall's down the road. While walking I got to enjoy some sunshine and time outside, which was nice since the studying of the past 2 weeks had kept me indoors. As I was walking I began to think about how I really should be okay with not having anything to do, with being still. It's a nice thing to have free time, right? Plus I've been hearing since high school about how we need to take time to be still and refresh with God. Yeah that's cool, I understand that I've thought over and over, and today I realized that for me, it's more than just sitting, being still, and "refreshing" that I have a problem doing. It's the idea of not being busy, and instead being still and letting God actually work in me. It's scary. When I'm busy I feel like I can hide things or not worry about them, but when I slow down and stop moving 1,000 miles a minute that's when I have time to process, realize, and work on things in my life. And I hate it.

As a Christian Ministry major one may think that I would be all about working "churchy" things out in my life and making sure I've got it all together, you know... being good about setting aside daily time for me and God and such... but instead I seem to hide behind my busy schedule, keeping God an active part of my social, ministry, and outside life, but not entirely close in my personal life. Given, I do enjoy being busy, I like the rush of a hectic schedule, it isn't always an excuse, but there is a difference between being busy and hiding behind your busyness. I do also enjoy praying, but it's more a "I'll pray as I go" thing, than "I'm gonna sit and spend time with God" sort of thing. Maybe it's time for me to stop hiding. Now with no more papers to write until the fall, though my schedule will continue to be a bit crazy, I think it's time to focus on me, and me & God.

This summer I am working at a youth camp and the director has challenged those on staff to read through Proverbs, one chapter a day starting May 1st. So, I will be trying to do that. I'm really bad at keeping up with Bible reading. I always make excuses and always have a hard time making myself sit down and read, but I think doing this will be a good way of exercising more self-control when it comes to taking the time to sit, breathe, read, and relax with God. I mean, really, why wouldn't I want to spend time with Him, right? He is, after all, the one who created me in the first place, the least I could do is spend some time with Him. Kind of reminds me of a Billy Collins poem we talked about in class this morning called "The Lanyard." If you read or listen to it, picture me as the kid and God as the Mother. I think the image is fitting to what I'm currently doing. Hopefully this summer I can do better than just make a lanyard.

Over a Year

It's been over a year since I last wrote. It would be silly for me say a lot has happened - that would be an understatement. The last time I wrote was over a year ago and it is safe to say that things have change quite a bit and I have grown a lot as a person. Last summer (2011) I went to Kigali, Rwanda and Jinja, Uganda for two months; talk about a life changing experience. That trip deserves a blog post all its own, and I will do my best to write one for it, but putting that trip into words will be one of the most difficult things I will have written in a while. A month after I returned home I began my Junior year of college and now with three weeks left of it I can easily say it has been one of the biggest growing years for me as a student, girlfriend, daughter, follower of Christ, sister, and friend. The opportunities, conversations, and experiences I have had have changed me and are continuing to change me. Life is so much more exciting and beautiful than we give it credit to be and I am so looking forward to embracing the life I have been given. Because life is so short and yet so full I am going to do my best to keep a record of it. I don't want to forget a thing. So, I suppose this post is a very quick catch up and summary of my past year and a new commitment to writing. A friend of mine, out of the blue, recently told me to start writing again and it made me realize how much I enjoy it and have missed it, so thank you to my friend - your encouragement has inspired me. Here's a to a new beginning. I'll try to write again soon. 

Benjamin Franklin said, "Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." 

I intend to do both. 

A Year of Trials and Blessings

The past year for me has been a very... interesting one. There have been many ups and downs and in betweens. But despite the massive roller coaster of a year that it has been, my faith has increased immensely. The change started almost a year ago when me and my boyfriend of 5 1/2 months broke up. It was my first real relationship and we were super close, but despite the breakup we were able to maintain our friendship, so it made it easier, but still not easy (there is more to that relationship story, but that will come later). The breakup seemed to set the tone for my summer, though the next "event" didn't happen until about a month and a half later.

After getting back from an amazing chorus tour out to California and a Earth Science Field Study trip out to South Dakota and Colorado I was told some news that would affect the rest of my summer and that still affects me now. I am not going to say exactly what happened, but it had something to do with my family and I found out just a few days before I had to go work at a summer camp for the next 2 months.

Working at a summer camp where I was supposed to be happy and encouraging was very difficult. I had to hide my break downs and anger from the campers and do my best to keep a smile on my face. Thankfully I had a couple close friends working with me there that were able to help me through my more difficult days, but that didn't solve all my problems. Because I was at camp I was unable to fully come to terms with what happened and process through it. Because of this, I did not really deal with what happened until about half way through the fall semester at college.

I made myself extremely busy during the beginning of my sophomore year because I did not want to deal with the reality of what has happening in my family. I was hurt, angry, disappointed, and many other things, but all of that caught up to me after I had consumed myself with school, a musical, chorus, a smaller singing ensemble, helping lead worship, working with a ministry me and some of my friends started, and a few other things. The fact that I did not confront what I was afraid of thinking about made my semester an emotionally draining one; and on top of that, I was missing my boyfriend who lived 12 hours away that I had not seen in months. Before I continue, I should briefly explain what happened with the boyfriend situation...

As I said before, after my boyfriend and I had broken up we remained close friends, and about 3 months after the breakup we hung out for the first time all summer, due to camp. When we started to hang out again, we realized that we still had feelings for each other, but soon after that realization he moved to Virginia for about 7 months. Those were some very long months. We kept in touch the best we could and continued to develop and improve our relationship. He was able to visit once while he was gone, and during that visit was when we started officially dating again. But, despite the fact that we were back together and forming a stronger relationship than ever, did not hide the fact that he was gone on top of all of the other craziness that was going on. However, things were about to start changing again.
Christmas break 2010 was when everything started to look up. After almost a full semester of family issues, a far away boyfriend, friendship problems, lots of homework, and many other things, the focusing on God that was a result of all the disaster started turning things around.

During Christmas break I was able to talk to my parents about what happened and get some closure there. I was also able to take some time to reflect and spend time with God that was desperately needed. About a month after Christmas break my boyfriend, Clay, was able to move back to MI and our relationship continues to grow stronger through God. Also, throughout all of this, I have built and strengthened friendships that will last a lifetime. With those friendships comes support, love, encouragement, and fun that I, hopefully, will never take for granted.
I also found out I was accepted to go on a missionary internship to Africa this summer with 3 of those friends. It amazes me how awesome God is and how he can work through any situation.
He helped me get through some really tough times by sending me a group of friends and a boyfriend that has been there for me 100%. He has taught me to be forgiving, loving, patient, and so many other lessons and continues to teach me more every day. He has presented me with wonderful opportunities to serve Him and He continues to show me how I can glorify Him in any situation.
So this has been my past year. It has been crazy, but in the end God has been glorified, and in more ways than what I have written.
I am so thankful for God's love and forgiveness and I am doing my best to embody that so that others may see how great He is.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun please shine down on me!

The first glimpse of sunshine and spring after months of a cold and snowy winter is one of the greatest feelings in the world. A feeling as if everything will be okay, that today will be a good day, and that nothing can bring me down takes over my thoughts and actions. I am overwhelmed with happiness, love, thankfulness, and excitement for the days ahead that the sunshine vows to provide. Today is one of those days and I feel an irrepressible realization of blessing and hope for the days ahead. 

I am one of those people that immediately gets in a better mood when the sun starts to shine and the weather becomes warmer, even just for a day. The warmth of the sun on my skin and the smiles that it brings to the faces of those around me reminds me of how great God is and how richly he has blessed me. Having to squint your eyes because it is so bright outside may seem like an annoyance to some, but for me it is something I welcome with open arms. The presence of sunshine and warmer weather is something that I look forward to every year and every year with I am reminded of how great God is by something as simple as beams of light warming the earth and brightening the gloomy moods of winter. 

Today I am reminded that I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I have a family that loves and supports me, I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me in spite of my flaws, I have friends who are constantly making me smile, and I have a God who continually grants me mercy, love, and a peace that I do not deserve. The sun's rays or not just beams of light, but they are also a reminder of the warm and comforting presence of God in our lives. I could not ask for more. 

Thank you God for the sun and your Son!

After the Fast...

Well, I did it. I successfully completed the 21 day Daniel Fast. The final day was about 2 Sunday's ago, and there were so many wonderful things that happened during those 21 days and some that I'm still discovering.

The fast itself was not really that hard for me; it was the freedom to eat what I wanted to that was more of a struggle. For example, when my friend's and I would hang out, sometimes there would be wonderful, delicious looking snacks being passed around, and I had to refrain from indulging in such delightful treats. But, through the struggle of not being able to socially eat and freely consume what I wanted, I learned many things that I otherwise would not have learned. This fast has truly helped me get my life back on track in several different ways and I am so very thankful for the "wake up call."

Prior to the Daniel Fast, I was trying to start some new habits, such as eating healthier, spending more time with God/in the Word, working out, and overall just improving my daily routine, but to no avail. When I started the fast it was toward the end of Christmas break and it was a welcomed change in eating habit after all the holiday eating (and no that wasn't the only reason I was looking forward to it). But, it really helped me start the year off on the right track.

The point of fasting is either medical or spiritual. For me, it was a spiritual fast and I was looking to strengthen my relationship with God, as well as pray for some things that I really needed to spend time talking to God about. Even though I did not spend as much time in prayer as I should have, or would have liked to, there have been so many blessings that came out of this, and so many lessons learned, that I can only give credit to God.

This summer I have the opportunity to go to Uganda and Rwanda Africa on a missionary internship, but with great opportunity comes great expense. So, one of the things I was praying about, and continue to pray about, is receiving the adequate funding for the trip. Another thing I am continuing to pray about is the relationship between my family and my boyfriend of a little over a year. My boyfriend means the world to me and up until recently my family has been pretty skeptical about our relationship, so I've been praying that God will help my family see what I see in him. The last big thing I was praying about was a decision I had to make about some school activities for next fall. Since beginning to pray earnestly about all these things I have seen God work in amazing ways.

The funds for my Africa trip are coming together, my family and Clay (my boyfriend) are beginning to form a better relationship, and God made it very clear to me what direction he wants me to take with school activities in the fall. God is so good! Also since the fast, I've started eating healthier and working out, and I've begun reading my Bible more often, as well as talking to God more. He is my Comforter, my Healer, the Breath I breathe, and the Love I feel and share. He is my All in all. I am so thankful to have gone on this spiritual journey with my church family. I, personally, have learned so much and am continuing to learn more, and I know people within my church were blessed in many ways as well.

Thank you God for how great and powerful you are. You truly can work miracles in our lives. 

"We give thanks to you, O God, we give thanks, for your Name is near; 

men tell of your wonderful deeds..." 

- Psalm 75:1

21 days

Today is the 2nd day of a 21 day journey. My church family and I are participating in a 21 day fast. It is not forced upon anyone, but any level of participation has been encouraged. There are no guidelines as to what we must fast from, but many people I know, including my family, are doing the Daniel Fast. This means that for 21 days I am only eating fruits, veggies, and whole grains (along with spices, but no sugar or honey). I will also only be drinking water. I've never done a fast like this before, so I'm very interested to see what is going to happen in these 21 days. 

In the book of Daniel it says that when Daniel and his friends did what we now call the "Daniel Fast," you could tell a difference between them and the ones who continued to eat the meat and other "choice foods" after only 10 days. I am very excited to see how God changes me and uses me for his glory during these 21 days. I have decided to do this, not only because my church family is doing it, but because I believe that this will be a time that I can better focus on what God is calling me to do this year. It will give me more time and more drive to work on becoming a servant of the Lord and help me focus on preparing myself for the ministry opportunities ahead of me in 2011. May God be praised during these 21 days and be seen through me- Not only for these 21 days, but for the many following them as well.

Daniel 1 tells of when Daniel first fasted for 10 days. In chapter 10 the book tells of when he fasted for 21 days. Read the story for yourself.